It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
