My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
