I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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