I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
