also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
