i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
