think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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