hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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