I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this hospital has no fireball
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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