i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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