Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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