perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
