We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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