I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
