you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
