I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, beer. Big fan.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
