I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
