If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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