Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
