I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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