who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
