jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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