I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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