Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
