if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
