This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
