3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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