I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
