What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
