I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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