got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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