So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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