Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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