she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We got so high we made milksteak
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
