On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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