Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I will die if light touches me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
