That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
