are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
