life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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