So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
