he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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