I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
