we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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