Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
