Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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