Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
