Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
