We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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