Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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