you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
