you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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