I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize