there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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