Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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