wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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