No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
