hotel room ftw
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
