Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize