Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
