first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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