Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
