butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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