Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize