so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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