Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
