after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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