dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
