We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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