Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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