True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
