Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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