Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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