I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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