They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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