i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
