At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
