you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
