I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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