You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
